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About this site
My friends think this may be the most absurd website
they've ever seen... and they do have a point. But all kidding aside, I see this site as on outlet for my
creative/artistic side, an opportunity to play with the
idea of branding, and if it ends up bring in a few bucks
every now and then- then that’s just a big bonus!
In real life, I don’t actually refer to myself as “a
gay.” I’m not looking for a hand out or waiting for
someone else to bring success or happiness to me. I’m
very fortunate to have a great career, an
entrepreneurial drive, and web design skills to play
with businesses on the side.
Check out this page to get a good idea of where I've
come from and where I see myself headed. I'll be
as open as possible on this space and may decide to
water it down at some point in the future. For
now, I've chosen to be uncomfortably honest about my
past so just a heads up.
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"I would rather be hated
for what I am, than be loved for what I am not."
Ralph Waldo Emerson |
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"What lies behind us and
what lies before us are small matters compared to what
lies within us."
Ralph Waldo Emerson |
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Personal Mission Statement
I sat down a few years ago and did my best to come up
with what would be the ideal mission statement for my
life. While it's a struggle to live this fully every
day, it is what I strive for...
In my life, I’m building a strong foundation of
unconditional love, acceptance and spiritual
consciousness. I embrace each moment with the knowledge
that the present moment is all that exists.
I live with courage and a belief in others including
myself, and live with the values of integrity and love
for all people. I strive to keep commitments with others
and not make excuses or blame others for their decisions
or actions.
I set high goals for myself and grow closer to them
everyday. I’m consistently honest with others and
myself. I’m seeking out knowledge, truth and insights
on my path to spiritual enlightenment. I’m learning
something new everyday and I will continue to go through
this life with a BIG smile on my face :-)
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About Me
I think of myself as being on a journey… not to any far
off place, but within, to the depths of being.
I have so much love in my heart and I know I've only
scratched the surface. As I learn to be conscious in my
life, I’m able to feel this love more and more often.
The majority of my spiritual insight has come from books
and spiritual teachers I’ve met over the last 10 years.
The book that encapsulates the majority of my spiritual
beliefs is The Power of Now, by Eckhart Tolle. A roadmap
to spiritual enlightenment, Eckhart Tolle teaches the
keys to finding inner peace. By freeing oneself from the
analytical mind and the ego, a false created self, you
learn how to be in the now, the present moment, where
problems do not exist.
Needless to say, I would recommend this book to
everyone. Although the journey is challenging, Eckhart
offers simple language in a question and answer format.
After reading the book twice, I would guess I'm only 50%
of the way there.
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"Your vision will become
clear only when you look into your heart... He who looks
outside, dreams. He who looks inside, awakens."
Carl Jung |
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I understand that some people have
little to no interest in spirituality. For myself, my
childhood left me with allot of questions and
“opportunity for growth.” I was born in California; I
grew up in a single parent household with my mom and one
brother 10 years older named Doug.
My mom was intensely religious. I was taught if you miss
a Sunday at church and died before confession your soul
would go straight to hell. You also had a one way ticket
if you took the lords name in vein, lied, jerked off or
even had an impure thought. My early life was ruled by
fear- of God, Hell and my Mother.
As you can guess, I also had a tremendous amount of
guilt and fear around my desire for men… my mom asked me
a few times growing up if I was gay and I always denied
it. One time she discovered a gay magazine in my room…
when she picked me up from school (7th grade) she told
me she was “taking me out of school because people like
me don’t deserve an education.” When I got home my bed
had been moved out of my room and all of my things were
stacked up in the living room. I was sure I was about
to be homeless and that there was no love left for me
there.
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My mom
started to go over the deep end shortly thereafter with
her religious beliefs and paranoia. She was receiving
messages in the mail from people who claimed to be
communicating directly with Jesus & Mary. We ended up
moving to Montana to live within a “protected triangle.”
Those inside the triangle would have a better chance of
surviving the “3 days of darkness.” (Stars falling from
the sky, etc) We were told to get rid of our digital
watches and microwaves because the devil could
communicate through them… she also covered up the TV in
the living room because the government could use it to
see into your house. I was home schooled through high
school to avoid the negative influences I would receive
in school.
I eventually discovered that the story I had been told
through childhood about my father passing away right
after I was born was a lie. (My mom had made up our last
names so her family would think she had been married
when she got pregnant.)
It’s hard when you’re young because it’s natural to want
to love and trust your mother. I’m lucky that at 15 I
caught on that this person was not healthy and could not
be depended on for support or guidance. I had a
paradigm shift that thrust me forward into a new reality
of possibility and growth. Remember, as a child “the
end was just around the corner.” Because the end was
near, I was raised thinking I would never make it to high school, college, or
adulthood. Now I was free to attract completely new
ideas and ways of thinking.
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I very
quickly got a job and did my best to stay away from the
house as much as possible. I worked as a waiter and did
some volunteer work at a local hospital on the side. By
the time I turned 18, I had bought my own home, was
driving my dream car (a Lexus LS), and had a pretty
comfortable life. All seemed good at that point but as a
gay man I realized life would always be a bit limited in
Montana. So, I rented my house out to some friends,
packed what I could fit into the back of my car and
drove back to California.
I got involved in technology sales early on and
eventually moved into real estate sales. My success in
that field opened the door to my current position as a
Real Estate Compliance / Developer Rep for a well known
resort builder.
In addition to my main “job”, the entrepreneur and geek
in me is always tinkering around with internet based
ideas on the side. (Like this one for example)
Eventually I see myself spending the majority of my time
traveling the world remaining connect to myself and my
unlimited inner source of bliss. I’ve always joked that
I could be just as happy as a bum living on the beach in
Laguna… watching the waves crash all day, the smell of
the salty air and the happy families playing in the sun.
However, I like to travel too much to be a bum. (Also
liking expensive cars leaves that option out!)
My favorite spot so far is Salzburg, Austria. (Not
Australia) As a reference, Salzburg is where they filmed
The Sound of Music. The town is absolutely magical.
Cobblestone streets, gorgeous fountains, a giant castle
on the hill, the works! I recently also traveled through
Germany and Switzerland and had the time of my life.
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I had
another paradigm shift a few years ago when I realized
that my thoughts and feelings had a direct impact on the
success (or failures) I was experiencing in life. I
shifted my “I’ll always have just enough to get by”
mindset to “I am financially rich and I travel the world
radiating love.” This principal is commonly known as The Law of
Attraction which has recently exploded in a big way with
the film “The Secret.” I cannot tell you how this tiny
shift in my thinking has affected my life in a dramatic
way!! My favorite book on the subject is called “The
Circle”, by Laura Day. Go get it!!
I’m so incredibly fortunate to have met some amazing
people during my young adulthood. I ended up being
loved, supported and encouraged to succeed in all areas
of life. I transmuted my past into a passion for growth,
insights and enlightenment.
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"Love is what we were born
with. Fear is what we learned here."
Marianne Williamson |
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My
Ideal Match
I would consider myself relatively selective when it
comes to who I choose to surround myself with in life. I
would say I have a fairly eclectic group of friends, but
the type of deeper connection I ultimately desire are
friends sharing more specific attributes... One thing I
know for sure is their ability to engage in
conversations where I’m using the word “energy” allot
seems to be a requirement!
If I were to take my list of 20+ qualities I'm attracted
to and narrow it down to my top three, they would be:
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Spiritual attractiveness / connection
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Someone who challenges me intellectually and
spiritually
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A giving, patient, and loving demeanor
These three things I don't compromise on. They are my
internal guides that allow me to know immediately
whether or not I will have a lasting connection with
someone.
With the previous three items as a
base, some additional qualities at the top of my list
are:
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Someone who communicates
openly and freely
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A joyous spirit who knows how
to laugh with life
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Someone capable of loving and
being loved in return
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Confidence without an
excessive ego
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Someone who's secure in his
sexuality
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And a great smile- Very
Important
Physically, I don't have one
particular type. I'm attracted to everything from
clean-cut, handsome, boy next-door types to guys with
awkward or geeky looks. (big noses, etc...)
I sometimes blur the lines between friendships and
relationships. As I arrange my thoughts on the subject
of an ideal relationship, I'm realizing I could cover 10
pages with various concepts, scenarios and ideas. I
expect the content of this section to evolve over time
as I learn and grow as a person.
For now without going into too much detail- let me say
there is no reason for me to view the heterosexual model
of a married couple as the only possible or ideal
relationship. The idea of having sex with 1 person for
the rest of my life does sound a bit unrealistic! My
definition of a healthy relationship does not need to
coincide with society's traditional moralistic and
unitary vision as the only true & fulfilling lifestyle /
relationship.
A prospective suitor should be ready for a process of
growth and exploration. I'm open to the many
possibilities life may throw my way... whether that be
exclusively committed to one person or living in a
loving communal group as a family. (There you go bible
thumpers… but I do not want to marry a goat!)
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"If
you don't like something change it; if you can't change
it, change the way you think about it."
Mary Engelbreit |
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From The Power of Now:
"Presence arises at first as the ability to watch the
workings of one's mind. Then comes the choice not to
identify with those mental structures. More and more,
you realize that you are not your thoughts, because they
come and go. They're all conditioned; they're all just
the contents of your mind. Instead of deriving a sense
of self from those contents, you realize that you can
simply observe the contents. A deeper sense of self
arises then. That is the aware presence, and it feels
very spacious and peaceful, no matter what happens in
your mind. You no longer identify with your mind, which
is just conditioned thoughts, and instead identify with
the observing presence, which can see the conditioned
thoughts and emotions in continuous flux. When your
sense of self is no longer tied to thought, is no longer
conceptual, there is a depth of feeling, of sensing, of
compassion, of loving, that was not there when you were
trapped in mental concepts. You are that depth."
Eckhart Tolle
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